Dazing Into Storms

“Nyx, please wake up!” I heard a girl’s voice yelling as she shook me violently. I recognized the voice instantly, it was my niece, Sita, probably having one of her regular episodes. I opened my eyes as quickly as possible and stood up to comfort her. I saw her face full of tears and as I got up to hug her, she lightly pushed me away.

“Tupã needs you!” Sita practically yelled at me while hyperventilating.

“Please look for Clarabelle,” I softly urged her to do before standing up. Unsure of what was going on, I started walking to her brothers room. Upon opening the door, I saw something I would never wish upon anybody to see.

My nephew was laying right there, eyes rolled to the back of his head. His skin was paper white and I worried for his livelihood. It was clear to me that he had overdosed on something. I immediately felt immense guilt for allowing this to happen while under my care. I had made a promise to my sister and myself that I would care for both Sita and Tupã until the day I died. How could I have let one of them pass?

“No, no,” I whimpered as tears grew in my eyes. I looked around the room to see what he had used. I must’ve been too focused on his body to not notice the needle next to his arm. I grabbed it immediately and threw it in the trash. After doing so, I was quick to call 911 to help deal with the situation.

I struggled to maintain my composure while on the phone, but I had to remain calm for Sita in the other room. I know that she’s more than likely to be able to hear me. My voice was shaking, but I asked for an ambulance to come immediately.

“Is Tupã going to be alright?” I heard Sita whisper as she cracked the door open.

“Yes, Sita,” My voice cracked as I gave her a reassuring smile. “An ambulance is on it’s way, they’ll help him get better, please don’t worry.”

I wanted more than anything to hug Sita and ask her if everything would be alright. That being said, I can’t ask her anything. It’s my job to help both of them. I had already failed Tupã and I couldn’t trigger her on top of that.

Time passed rather quickly, and the ambulance arrived at the door. I bolted to the front door and let them inside. The doctors took my boy away and offered for both Sita and I to come with to the hospital. We of course, agreed to go, but we were stopped before we began to head into the ambulance.

“Nyx, was it?” One of the doctors asked me, “Can I speak to you for a moment?”

“Yes, of course,” I said with a fake smile as the man pulled me away from Sita and the ambulance. “Your nephew, Tupã, has unfortunately passed away.”

The doctor continued speaking after saying those words, but I heard nothing. I stared at him blankly, nodding my head. At this moment, no thoughts were coming to me whatsoever. I was speechless and perhaps even in shock. I was brought back to reality once I heard the purring of a cat. I turned to see Sita looking at me, holding Clarabelle in her arms.

“Are you alright?” She asked with hope in her eyes. As sweet as her concern was, it wasn’t something I could handle hearing. Tears quickly escaped my eyes as I began to break down crying. It was the first time Sita had ever seen me cry, and it was clear she had no idea what to do with it.

I fell to the ground, beginning to hyperventilate. Clarabelle jumped out of Sitas arms and into my lap. Her paws went onto my chest and it felt as if she was trying to hug me. I was sitting up, but as I listened to her purring it almost felt as though I had begun to lie on the hard ground and she was laying on top of me.

When I finally brought myself to open my eyes, I was no longer sitting on the ground outside and instead found myself laying in my bed. Clarabelle was laying on my chest, purring loudly. I was almost positive that she had woke me up. I wrapped my arms around her and began crying.

Shortly, I realized that I couldn’t stay in bed for much longer. I stood up, carrying Clarabelle, and walked outside of my room. I went into the room that Sita was staying in. The girl was fast asleep and I let out a sigh of relief. I put the cat down next to her and proceeded to wipe off the tears on my face.

I knew what was next to check, but I was terrified of him not being there. I left Sita’s room and stood in front of Tupã’s door. I held the doorknob, building up the courage to go inside. I hoped with everything inside of me that it had all been a dream, but I couldn’t be too sure. I slowly turned the knob and closed my eyes as I opened it.

After a minute, I built up the courage to finally open my eyes and look. What I saw gave me tears of joy. The boy was laying in bed, eyes closed, and skin full of life. It was all dream after all. I regrettably went to his bed and hugged him, immediately waking him up.

“Sita..?” Tupã mumbled, clearly half asleep.

“Thank you for visiting us,” I said, my voice quivering. “I missed you a lot.”

“I missed you too,” He said quietly as he put his arms around me too. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I just had a nightmare fueled by guilt. I was so scared of losing you.”

“Don’t worry about that. I’m not going anywhere.”

I couldn’t hold in my tears anymore and began crying into his chest. Unlike Sita, Tupã had seen me cry several times before. It quickly woke him up and he began to rub my back.

“It was just a dream, Nyx, you’re stuck with me whether you like it or not,” His reassuring words brought a smile to my face and a small chuckle. However, I stayed crying in his embrace, still scared of losing him again.